Chapter 029: Actually Creating Rumors About Myself
Outside the carriage window, the Regent King and Qin Zhen's armies were locked in confrontation.
Thousands of soldiers occupied Suzaku Avenue, surrounding the convoy where Wei Wanlan was located.
Bows were drawn, swords unsheathed, and the air was filled with the shouts of men and the neighing of horses.
This was a true ancient battlefield, far surpassing the cheap CGI effects of modern films, and anyone could see the situation was dangerous. It was bound to be a fight to the death.
However, Wei Wanlan's small hands gripped the window frame. Above his paws, his round, deer-like eyes peered out. The wooden frame rubbed against his fingertips, making a faint scraping sound.
He had only been startled by the arrow earlier, but had quickly regained composure. In fact, his tone even carried a hint of excitement as he secretly urged the two armies to fight faster.
"Sihaha, hit him, hit him, hit him!" Yes, he was fully in the mood for some entertainment.
The system’s voice sounded a bit confused: **[Host, why aren’t you crying?]**
In a situation like this, Wei Wanlan should have been crying his eyes out, begging the system to provide him with life-saving tools.
Unexpectedly, Wei Wanlan countered with a question:
"If this were modern times, a tourist spot offering a real-life battle show would charge an entrance fee! This is a free performance, why should I cry?"
With that, his head popped out even more, his excitement growing.
Outside the carriage, Tang Tuan called out a warning: "Get back, Your Majesty, it’s dangerous out there!" Even Tang Tuan was worried about Wei Wanlan getting hurt.
The system also issued a reminder:
**[Host, listen up, this is a military coup. Swords and arrows have no eyes, and you’re surrounded.]**
"It’s not me who’s surrounded, it’s the Regent King. Qin Zhen came here to crash his party."
**[Does it make any difference? You’re still under the Regent King’s control.]**
"But Qin Zhen can’t beat the Regent King." Wei Wanlan said. "The book *The Great Wei Regent King* is all about Su Jingzhi. The Regent King has the protagonist's halo. I finally get to be an outsider watching the big scene, so why not sit back and enjoy the show?"
Wei Wanlan rubbed his little hamster-like hands together. "Hurry up and perform! Make it exciting!"
---
Around the hour of Mao, the early morning light just barely illuminated Chang'an, and the firelight reflected off various cold weapons, dazzling the eyes.
Due to the deployment of the military tally, more and more rebel troops continued to pour into Suzaku Avenue. Initially, there were thousands, but now the numbers had swelled to over ten thousand.
The carriage, which could normally fit six or seven people, was already a large object in Chang'an, but now it looked like a pitiful boat in a vast sea, at risk of being overturned by the waves at any moment.
Yet, all the waves seemed to calm down the moment the Regent King tightened the reins of his horse and moved forward. With just that small movement, the surrounding forces became cautious and retreated step by step.
Su Jingzhi took one step forward.
Everyone retreated one step.
Until a trembling circle of soldiers formed around the Regent King’s relatively small group.
The rebel soldiers on the outermost edge couldn’t help but swallow nervously, avoiding eye contact with the War God of Great Wei, not wanting to be the next soul taken by his blade.
Su Jingzhi spoke:
"You claim to kill me to cleanse the court, but where is your emperor?"
Qin Zhen was prepared: "——The emperor is right here!!!"
From behind the semicircular human wall, a slender youth dressed in dragon robes slowly stepped forward. Two strands of soft hair hung down over his forehead, and his large eyes gleamed faintly in the dim morning light. He resembled Wei Wanlan by about seventy percent.
Qin Zhen immediately shouted loudly:
"His Majesty has authorized us to slay the treacherous king! The traitorous Regent King has been controlling His Majesty, enforcing harsh and tyrannical laws in the court. The Censorate has become the Regent King’s tool to eliminate dissent. Every day, countless officials die at his hands. The Great Wei court can no longer find peace! Long live His Majesty!"
The rebel soldiers followed Qin Zhen’s lead, kneeling in unison as their voices echoed down Suzaku Avenue: "Long live the emperor! Long live, long live, long live…"
"So they prepared a fake emperor?"
Seeing this "other version" of himself, Wei Wanlan’s eyes widened. His brain started to work, and he suddenly recalled overhearing Qin Zhen say something about never having seen the version of himself wearing the goose-yellow dress while hiding under the Regent King’s desk.
Could it be... he deliberately kept that fact from the Regent King?
Qin Zhen didn’t want the Regent King to find him.
Instead, last night, Qin Zhen even let the Regent King rest while he "searched" for him, because…
——He wanted to stall all of the Regent King’s actions. Qin Zhen had long since planned this coup and had already arranged for a fake emperor!
Wei Wanlan’s brain slowly pieced this together.
He finally realized, albeit belatedly, that Qin Zhen had been plotting rebellion all along, while he had naively thought Qin Zhen was just forgetful—like a fish with a poor memory.
"Your Majesty."
"What is it, system?" Wei Wanlan twitched his ears, snapping back to attention after being called.
But 404 didn’t respond—it wasn’t 404 who had spoken to him.
At that moment, a series of loud clanging sounds came from outside. The carriage door and windows were being tightly locked.
No light from the torches outside could penetrate the carriage, and only the candle hanging from the roof flickered, casting a faint glow.
Wei Wanlan looked up at the swaying candle. He had already been locked inside the carriage.
Su Jingzhi’s voice came through the carriage wall: "I have already found the emperor. The person in the carriage is the real emperor."
Wei Wanlan sat up straight, his expression bright with pride:
"At least the big villain has good judgment, hehe~"
Though the Regent King always bullied him, Wei Wanlan was quite satisfied that the Regent King could still firmly recognize him as the true emperor, even when faced with a fake emperor.
However, the system offered a professional analysis:
**[They’re both just trying to undermine each other’s legitimacy. The Regent King is merely regaining control, and even the fact that you slept with him last night is because he’s holding you as a trump card. Don’t get ahead of yourself.]**
**[Tsk, and you want to watch the fun, but you don’t even understand the real dynamics. Were you just hoping to see the Regent King and Qin Zhen fight? Well, I guess that’s the simplest thing for you.]**
Wei Wanlan: …
He felt offended!
He hadn’t thought of that!
This stupid system in his head—Wei Wanlan angrily bumped the carriage board with his forehead. It hurt, but he needed to give 404 a warning.
404 hummed back in a warning tone as well:
**[A wise ruler doesn’t throw tantrums!]**
Sure enough, outside, some of the rebel soldiers burst into laughter:
"Traitor King, the person inside your carriage isn’t the emperor at all!"
"The emperor isn’t in the palace, but he’s sitting in your carriage? I bet the person inside isn’t the emperor at all, but a concubine from your manor!"
"Everyone in Chang’an knows the Su family has no heirs. The Regent King must be desperate, bringing a concubine into the palace to mix business with pleasure."
"Haha, hahahahaha…"
——You’re the concubine! Your whole family are concubines!!!
How had he ended up becoming the subject of the gossip?!
Wei Wanlan was so furious that he almost jumped out of the carriage. His dragon-robed sleeves clung to the door frame like a cat eager to get outside, scratching at the door with a loud scraping noise.
404, meanwhile, was commentating even more enthusiastically:
**[Haha, you didn’t understand, did you? Don’t be mad. They’re just trying to turn the situation around, doing whatever it takes to prove that their emperor is real.]**
By "whatever it takes," they meant slandering the relationship between the person in the carriage and the Regent King, refusing to acknowledge that he was the emperor:
"I heard the Traitor King and his concubine stick together day and night, even committing indecency in the study during the daytime."
"But the concubine is too useless, still not showing any signs of pregnancy."
"Hey, concubine in the carriage, have you gotten pregnant with the Regent King’s child yet? Hahahaha!"
"…"
The rumors got wilder and wilder, and Wei Wanlan, remembering the pregnancy misunderstanding from last night, was both angry and embarrassed. His face was turning beet red.
Wei Wanlan puffed up his cheeks in anger: "System, I’m not watching this anymore!"
**[Hmm.]**
"I’m getting involved."
**[Hmm?]**
"They’ve found a fake to replace me and are spreading rumors about me. I’m going to stop them!"
But the system chuckled:
**[Alright, then here’s an idea. You should ask Tang Tuan to open the carriage door, then step outside and pat your flat little belly, telling everyone that you are indeed the emperor, not a concubine, and that you’re definitely not pregnant.]**
Wei Wanlan: "…I can tell you’re mocking me this time."
The system remained silent, but didn’t deny it.
In truth, 404’s existence was simply to assist Wei Wanlan in completing the main storyline and becoming a wise ruler.
But if Wei Wanlan didn’t participate in this situation, he wouldn’t be following the main plot, and it wouldn’t be 404’s responsibility anymore. Besides, the system was confident that the Regent King didn’t need any help dealing with Qin Zhen.
Wei Wanlan: "But I’ve lost face this time!"
**[What’s face worth? Have you ever heard of the ‘humiliation of crawling beneath the legs’ story?]**
**[You should enjoy watching your enemies tear each other apart. Hoping the Regent King gets weakened by Qin Zhen—that’s the true essence of watching from the sidelines.]**
404, the old hand, calmly taught him.
The Regent King was also calm: "A child of nobility does not sit beneath dangerous walls. You’ve exposed a fake emperor on the street, while I’ve kept the true dragon safe inside the carriage. Isn’t the truth obvious?"
Sure enough, the opposition started jumping with rage:
"Traitor King, do you dare let the person inside your carriage come out and face the emperor?!"
"Traitor King, if you don’t dare let the person inside confront the emperor, then your emperor is the fake one…"
"Traitor King, you’re trying to pass off your concubine as the emperor! Are you hoping that your concubine will give birth to your child to inherit the Great Wei throne?!"
**[Hahahaha…]** The system laughed shamelessly. Its mechanical voice trembled with amusement. **[I strongly suspect there’s surveillance in the Regent King’s mansion. That whole ‘keeping the child but not the father’ line from last night fits perfectly now.]**
At this point, Wei Wanlan was gnashing his teeth in fury.
His face was blazing hot. The rebel soldiers were all rough men from the barracks, and they weren’t holding back. To tarnish the Regent King’s and the emperor’s reputation, they said whatever came to mind, the more outrageous the better.
In the end, the rumors even ventured into bedroom details.
It was too… unbearable.
The breathing inside the carriage grew heavier, and Wei Wanlan felt he was about to be roasted alive inside. He knew he couldn’t let this go on.
Sure, it had been his idea to watch the show, but he hadn’t expected the gossip to escalate so wildly. Even 404 wasn’t siding with him anymore and was instead laughing along with the rebels.
Bad system.
Bad rebels.
Bad Regent King.
Everyone was a big villain, all bullying him!
Wei Wanlan pounded the carriage wall a few times, angrily. His knocking was loud, and soon someone from outside responded. He heard Tang Tuan's voice: "Your Majesty, what are your orders?"
Tang Tuan approached the carriage wall.
Wei Wanlan whispered a string of commands to him.
Tang Tuan’s expression grew more and more astonished, his eyebrows lifting high, his eyes widening, and his expression alight with delight:
"Yes, yes, Your Majesty, I will certainly carry it out… Hahaha, yes, yes… Hahahahaha…"
Tang Tuan scurried off.
When he reported to the Regent King that the little emperor had something to say, the Regent King nodded.
Only then did Tang Tuan dare to relay Wei Wanlan’s words to the armies at the front. He cleared his throat and even mimicked Wei Wanlan’s tone on purpose:
"*Ahem, ahem.*"
"The *Qijuzhu* (Daily Record of the Emperor) once recorded, and the Regent King has also seen it, that His Majesty has red birthmarks on both his butterfly bones and on his ni gu. Let the imposter prove it! If he lacks these birthmarks, then he is certainly a fake!"
The entire field erupted in shock!
Not only the rebel army, but even the Regent King’s closest confidants were stunned.
An air of disbelief spread throughout the ranks.
Everyone looked at each other:
"The little emperor has birthmarks on his butterfly bones? The Regent King has seen them? How did he see them?"
"What’s a ni gu? Does he mean… his butt? The Regent King has seen the little emperor’s butt???"
"The Regent King doesn’t even have a concubine, so how has he seen the little emperor’s butt? Do they really have a thing going on???"
How had this rumor not been quashed, but instead spiraled even further out of control?
Inside the carriage, listening to the increasingly outrageous gossip, Wei Wanlan was left bewildered. He covered his face with his sleeves, realizing that the situation was only escalating outside.
He buried his face, sensing the chaotic atmosphere outside:
"——The boss likes little boys, no wonder he has no heirs!!"
404 let out a despairing sigh:
**[Wei Wanlan.]**
**[Before, it was only a rumor that the concubine and the Regent King were involved in scandalous rumors. But now, after your own involvement, it’s become a full-blown rumor that the emperor of Great Wei and the Regent King have a scandal.]**
**[You’ve created your own scandal. This is master-level work. Please, I beg you, just behave from now on.]**
***
Translator’s note: This is so funny. LOL. I can’t help but roll in laughter.
I love this story so much. The foolish cutie mc always has me in a fit of giggles 🤭 thank you for translating.
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