Chapter 15 part 1
The blue and white ointment lay on the dark marble tiles, very conspicuous.
Yu Li stood completely frozen in place, not daring to pick it up, nor to look up at Yan Shiting's expression.
The two of them remained deadlocked until, as if an eternity had passed, Yan Shiting bent down to pick up the ointment and said in a cold voice, "Go eat first, and then come to my study, we have something to discuss."
He then strode away.
Yu Li watched Yan Shiting's retreating back, biting his lip.
He had originally just planned to avoid Yan Shiting, after all, he was starting school tomorrow, and they wouldn't have any more contact afterwards, so he could just forget everything.
But he didn't expect to accidentally drop the ointment.
Judging from Yan Shiting's reaction, he wanted to talk to him about that night.
There was no avoiding it now, he could only face it.
Good, he also wanted answers to the few questions he had in his mind.
Yu Li pressed his lips tightly, took a few deep breaths, and went to the kitchen where the housekeeper had left a meal for him, still hot.
At home, in his own world, these things wouldn't have happened.
Yu Li's eyes welled up with tears, and he forced down a few bites of rice.
But his heart was in turmoil, and he really had no appetite. After eating half a bowl, Yu Li put down his chopsticks.
He cleaned up the dishes and worked off some of his frustration, before coming to the door of Yan Shiting's small study on the third floor.
The study door was half-open, leaving a crack. Yu Li knocked on the door frame and then pushed the door open and went in.
Yan Shiting was sitting in the large office chair, his gaze lowered to the ointment on the desk.
Seeing Yu Li come in, he looked up and asked, "Done eating? Have a seat."
Yu Li nodded and walked to the desk, sitting down.
He pressed his lips and said, "Master Yan, I found this ointment in the gap between the bed and the cabinet. Do you know what this medicine is?"
Yu Li still wanted to probe a little, maybe Yan Shiting didn't want to have any involvement with him, and so he would pretend not to recognize the ointment, and thus gloss over the incident that night.
If that was the case, Yu Li could also "forget" about it.
However, Yan Shiting did not give him that opportunity.
"I know." Yan Shiting had just finished speaking when he couldn't suppress a cough.
His words were like a hammer shattering a mirror, destroying Yu Li's previous illusions.
Yu Li's fingers on his lap intertwined tightly, and he lowered his eyelashes, asking, "So you've actually been remembering what happened that night."
After the words fell, the study was silent for a long while.
Yan Shiting nodded, admitting, "Yes."
Yu Li almost couldn't control the trembling of his body.
He clenched his right hand tightly into his left palm, his brow furrowed in confusion, and his voice also carried a thick sense of perplexity, "You remember, but you didn't... Didn't you hate me? Why didn't you come bother me? Why didn't you show any reaction?"
"After I fell asleep that night, you were awake, so why did you still stay in my room, creating the illusion that I woke up first?"
Along with those questions, the tears he couldn't control also kept welling up.
The more he thought about it, the more puzzled and aggrieved he became.
Yu Li choked back sobs, his eyes brimming with tears, "And then I was so worried and unsure if you remembered, I racked my brains trying to probe you, and you didn't react, so I... I just thought you..."
He had simply assumed that Yan Shiting had forgotten, and so he had tried hard to naturally act like three years ago, to explain that he had let go of his feelings for Yan Sui.
When he was doing all this, when he had unilaterally thought that they had already come to an understanding, what was Yan Shiting thinking? Was he silently laughing at him?
Yu Li suddenly got stuck, and after a long while, he finally found his voice again, "I must have looked really stupid, right?"
Those peach blossom eyes, wet with tears, looked at him with so much pain.
Yan Shiting just felt his heart ache.
He didn't want to bring up that incident and make Yu Li upset, but he didn't expect it to hurt him even more.
But as for Yu Li's questions, he couldn't explain.
Yan Shiting's face was tense as he asked in a deep voice, "Yu Li, why do you think I was laughing at you?"
Yu Li's smile was bitter as he lowered his head, silent.
He admitted that his previous words had an element of displeasure towards Yan Shiting.
Yes, wasn't it all just his "self-delusion"? What right did he have to blame Yan Shiting for not showing that he remembered that night?
"You weren't laughing at me, I just made a complete fool of myself and brought it on myself."
Yu Li suddenly recalled some of the details of Yan Shiting's interactions with him over this period of time.
Applying medicine for him, helping him with cards, telling Yan Sui that the form of address was inappropriate, letting him sleep in the bed on the cruise ship even though Yan Shiting was sick...
In the car on the way back, Yu Li had fallen asleep before getting in.
At that time, he had been thinking that Yan Shiting was actually quite nice to him.
But now, what did those actions represent?
Yu Li wiped his face and let out a light laugh, asking, "All this time you've been taking care of me, what did you see me as? Your backup lover?"
"Yu Li." Yan Shiting's gaze was obscure, "Don't say such things."
"That night you were drugged, it was my fault."
"And I've never hated you."
Yu Li instinctively countered, "If you don't hate me, then does that mean... you like me?"
He then self-mockingly chuckled lightly, denying it, "Impossible."
The distance between them was so vast, he was self-aware, Yan Shiting could never like him.
However, Yu Li didn't notice the sudden change in Yan Shiting's expression when he asked that question about liking him.
Hearing his self-mockery, Yan Shiting pressed his thin lips and asked, "So what are you thinking now, do you want me to take responsibility for you?"
Yu Li's face turned deathly pale in an instant.
"Take responsibility? I want you to take responsibility for me?" He murmured the words twice, looking at Yan Shiting, "So, you think that today, I'm trying to get you to take responsibility?"
So, this was how Yan Shiting saw him?
That initial lack of any reaction to the incident that night, was it because he was worried that Yu Li would demand responsibility?
Yu Li braced himself against the desk and slowly stood up.
"Believe it or not, I've never wanted you to take responsibility."
He forced out a smile, "We're all adults, talking about responsibility is too childish."
All he wanted now was to leave, to have no more entanglement with Yan Shiting and the Yan family.
He and the Yan family were from two completely different worlds.
"Yu Li..."
With a vacant gaze fixed on a spot on the bookshelves, Yu Li lightly interrupted Yan Shiting's words, "Let's just pretend nothing ever happened."
The soft lights in the study suddenly flickered.
Yan Shiting clenched his fist, silent for a long while.
Finally, the tightly clenched fist suddenly relaxed. He said, "If that's what you want, I'll agree to it."
"Thank you, Master Yan."
Back in the room, looking at the place he had stayed for nearly half a month, Yu Li felt a chill throughout his body.
He shouldn't have stayed here any longer.
Tears kept welling up in his eyes, and Yu Li wiped his face, pulled out his suitcase, and quietly left the Yan residence with his backpack.
He took a taxi to the hotel he had booked, went into the room without using the key card, and slowly crouched down in the darkness, hugging his suitcase.
He didn't even know why he was crying, even though he was inwardly mocking himself, "What's there to cry about", but the tears just wouldn't stop.
It's fine, it doesn't matter, school starts tomorrow.
After school starts, he won't have any more contact with Yan Shiting.
As long as he goes back to his own world, everything will be over.
...
A heart-wrenching coughing sound came from the third floor of the Yan residence.
Butler He brought the housekeeper's throat-soothing soup to the door of Yan Shiting's small study and knocked.
"Come in." The hoarse voice sounded.
Butler He pushed open the door and saw Yan Shiting staring at something in his hand.
He walked to the desk and found it was a box of throat lozenges.
Butler He placed the throat-soothing soup on the desk and said, "Young Master, I just saw Mr. Yu Li leave with his luggage."
Yan Shiting's body trembled, and his gaze finally shifted from the throat lozenge box, looking up and asking, "Do you know where he went?"
Butler He shook his head.
By the time he saw it, Yu Li was already at the manor gate.
When he chased after him, Yu Li had already gotten into a taxi.
Yan Shiting withdrew his gaze, coughed a few times, and said, "You can go."
Butler He stood there without moving.
He hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Young Master, did you and Mr. Yu Li have a fight?"
Otherwise, why would Mr. Yu Li suddenly leave with his luggage late at night.
Yan Shiting took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, not saying anything.
Seeing this, Butler He didn't try to persuade him further. With a complex gaze, he looked at Yan Shiting and left the study.
The small study was once again shrouded in silence.
Yan Shiting looked at the box of throat lozenges, and when he closed his eyes, Yu Li's pained, tear-filled eyes appeared in his mind.
Those questioning voices accompanied the pained tears.
Why didn't he show any reaction? Why did he create the illusion that Yu Li woke up first?
Yan Shiting pressed his lips tightly.
That night, he didn't dare leave before Yu Li woke up, and later he didn't dare bring up the incident.
Because deep down, he knew that if he let Yu Li know he remembered what happened that night, it would only make Yu Li distance himself from him even further.
But is the current situation any better than that?
...
It was late at night before Yu Li finally moved onto the bed to sleep.
He had a dream, dreaming about that night at the party when he was drugged and collapsed into Yan Shiting's arms. Yan Shiting's brow was tightly furrowed, his expression one of disgust and impatience as he pushed Yu Li away.
Then, Yan Shiting's icy voice sounded: "Trying to use this method to get close to the Yan family?"
"Not even worth it."
Yu Li's heart tightened, wanting to refute that he didn't have such intentions.
But then, looking at the indistinct face of Yan Shiting in the dream, he froze again.
He understood that was not something Yan Shiting would do or say.
Those were what he wished for in his heart.
He hoped Yan Shiting would really hate him, push him away, and say he was disgusting.
That way, the incident that night would not have happened, and he wouldn't be suffering so much now.
But now he knew that Yan Shiting was actually a good person, so he couldn't even deceive himself in his dreams.
Yu Li woke up in tears.
He looked at the window stickers in the hotel room, his mind completely blank.
Shiting is such an idiot.
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